My Island Retreat (Minus the Beach)

It’s my last day in Ubud, and it feels a bit like I am leaving a rehab centre, preparing to face the real world.

Of course, I have no idea what ‘the real world’ is.  I am certain, though, that it is not lying on a beach in Thailaind with two wonderful friends.  And, that’s where I am headed next. 

Still, I have spent 15 nights in a glorious bubble of peace and growth and healing.  I am leaving the bubble, and while the beaches of Thailand won’t be tough, there will surely be challenges beyond the Southeast Asia shores.  So, I feel a tinge of fear/preemptive anxiety over the loss of this feeling of peace and contentment.

…which, perhaps, means I am not in as much of a state of glorious equanimity after all? I will have to ponder that one further on my own…

A girl moved into the room next to mine yesterday.  When I told her that I had been here for two weeks, she responded with the sort of surprise I would have expected if I had told her I had been living here for two years.  She then said, “well, you will have to tell me about everything that I should do while I am in town.  You must be an expert.”

My response, “Well, the thing is, I haven’t really done anything.  But, if you would like me to tell you about how to not do anything in Ubud, I’m your girl.”

While I told that girl that I did nothing, I was speaking strictly in terms of the typical tourist activities.  I did so much to develop my yoga and meditation practices.  I had conversations over delicious, healthy food that opened my eyes to new ways of seeing myself and the way I operate in this world.  I went for walks.  I watched the rain.  I drank coconuts and talked with Ibu (the mother of the house).  My days felt rich and full and had just the right amount of purpose.  It was my sweet little Anna Skinner economy style retreat.  

I have been really into ‘retreating’ since I was a teenager.  Obviously, I love going away – getting out of an environment familiar to me.  I love focusing on a particular task/mission for a short period of time.  I love building a sense of community rapidly with people in this unfamiliar environment who are also focusing on a similar task.  I love closing the getaway with a feeling of connection and accomplishment and growth.

This time in Ubud has been a really special sort of retreat because I designed it myself without really designing anything at all.  There was no conference centre with dorm beds.  There was no opening night ceremony speech.  There was no schedule of daily activities or cafeteria lunch.  There weren't even any other participants!  There was just me, my thoughts, my yoga practice, my lovely little group of Bali friends, and my banana pancake and fruit salad every morning.

Dictionary.com tells me that the antonym for ‘retreat’ is ‘advance’.  When I first read this, I thought it was only applicable to the military sense of the word, and I was momentarily frustrated with the lack of vocabulary I had for post-retreat life.  After repeating the word a few times in my head, I realized that ‘advance’ was actually spectacularly appropriate.  I just retreated – withdrew from everyday life and even the classic tourist trail – in an effort to advance my life in the days that follow.  With all the wisdom of my silence and all the wisdom of the kind and fascinating folks I befriended in Ubud, I feel I am indeed ready to move forward.  And, so, as I have composed this post, I have laid my real world anxiety to rest, knowing that I will continue to advance until the next time I feel the need for a nourishing retreat.