Two of my dear friends just got married this past weekend in Arequipa. I had a front row seat for the evolution of their relationship, often coaching both teams. It’s like I’ve been with them up to the finals, but I won’t be able to participate in the championship game. This, obviously, is the source of great disappointment (particularly when you add in the awesome opportunity this would have been to dance salsa)!
In an attempt at being involved in their special day from afar (and in lieu of a wedding gift), I would like to share with you the story of this wonderful couple…
I met Elly ‘Kudos’ Kondos and Adolfo ‘Bofo’ Salas within my first 24 hours in Arequipa. The first time I laid eyes on them, Adolfo was in the middle of a Spanish lesson with his most challenging student, Elly. I was new to the Traveller Not Tourist world, and after I saw the two of them reviewing worksheets at the dining table of the volunteer house, I enquired with someone in the kitchen if all lessons took place there. It was explained that this was a normal occurrence for instructor Adolfo, but then the informant conspiratorially implied that there might have been a little something more to that particular Spanish lesson ‘if you know what I mean’.
My thought: well, they do say that you learn the best on the pillow.
I soon found out from the horses’ mouths that there was indeed more to that Spanish lesson (though, I don’t think there has ever been enough pillow talk because Kudos still can’t speak Spanish). The gossip about the budding relationship was one of the forces that led to the development of my strong friendships with Kudos and Adolfo. Elly would tell me all about her feelings on the relationship during lunch or a school shopping mission. Then, she would go off to volunteer and Adolfo would come to the office to teach Spanish lessons and tell me all about his emotional status, asking for some insight from me, the Western female spokeswoman.
Adolfo was totally enamored with Elly from the moment he met her. He was taken with every last thing about her, from her silly sense of humor to her outrageous slurring drunken moments. He thought everything about her was beautiful. He wanted to be around her all the time, and he wanted her to let him adore her.
Elly, however, took some convincing. Adolfo was so clearly one of the best men in the whole wide world. There was never any doubt about that. Kudos, however, had come to Peru on a solo mission, and she felt that this was her time to be single. She didn’t think she wanted anything serious. Adolfo was persistent, though, and slowly Elly started to break her walls down. After a few months, they found themselves in a healthy, committed relationship.
As Elly’s return to Australia approached, they started having those tough conversations about what happens next. They were determining what a long distance relationship would look like and how in the world Adolfo would move to Australia within the next 12 months. Meanwhile, Elly was spending her free time repeating the phrase “the rest of my life”, considering if she liked it associated with Adolfo…because what would be the point of all of this tough relationship logistical maneuvering if it wasn’t going to work out in the long run?
Then something divine happened that answered all of their questions. Elly found out she was pregnant.
On this fateful day, Elly had gone to the clinic on her own for the first time during her many months in Peru. Every other trip she had made (of which there were quite a few – Arequipa seemed to have really done a job on her body over those months) had been chaperoned. This time she was sure she had it handled. It was supposed to be just a few tests administered by nurses, and she wouldn’t be talking to a doctor or anyone who would be explaining anything of importance. So, there she was, laying on an examining table, understanding very little Spanish, when a nurse pointed to her abdomen and said, “Tu! Bebe!” She then handed Elly an ultrasound photo of what looked like a little bean and sent her on her way.
Then she called me. I think I answered the phone by saying something I thought was flippantly humorous. She responded by simply saying, “I’m pregnant.” I screamed, jumped out of my chair, determined her location, made a really stupid excuse for my outburst and sudden need to leave the office (perk of work at TNT), and literally ran to Espiritu Santo clinic. Elly was sitting on the curb outside, ultrasound photo in hand. If there is one thing I have come to excel at since my days in Namibia, it is crisis/disaster/trauma management. So, I told Elly we were going back in that clinic and talking to an English-speaking doctor. We sat in the crazy waiting room of that clinic, our conversation vacillating between making light of the situation and discussing the gravity of the reality. Finally, the doctor called us in and he confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. He answered Elly’s questions (though not in a totally satisfactory manner), told her the date she should next seek a consultation, and again sent her on her way.
As an aside: To take my involvement in their relationship to another level, in the ‘making light of the situation’ phase, we did the math and determined that this baby was conceived when I was out of town on holiday. You see, Elly and I were reliving the freshman year dream – we shared a bedroom in the volunteer house. When the cat is away, the mice will (more freely) play…
Elly and Adolfo’s story is one of those really clear examples of how having a child totally changes your life. Suddenly, there was absolute certainty about their commitment to each other. Adolfo was on the fast track to arranging his arrival to Australia, and Elly moved her flight home up, cancelling the other stops she had scheduled on her way. In a matter of days, so much had changed.
Often these stories of marriage ‘out of wedlock’ seem forced and a tad unfortunate. I don’t see Elly and Adolfo’s story that way at all. In fact, I find that the unanticipated entrance of that little baby increases the romance of their story. All of the uncertainty, it seemed to me, was due to the existence of so many obstacles and challenges that go along with an international relationship. The previous questioning was about fear, not incompatibility. This outcome of marriage would have occurred, with or without an unplanned pregnancy. It was just that lovely little baby Amaia more easily guided them down commitment road, quelling some of the concerns (and creating a whole fresh set). The beauty with which they have faced all of the tough stuff that has gone along with very quickly transforming their lives, in my eyes, is about as romantic as you can get.
For a moment, let me speak in the New Age language that first opened the door to my friendship with Elly. I am of the opinion that coincidences hold significance. I feel that there is a sort of divine order to each of our lives. And, I feel that the things that are locked deepest in our hearts are what become our reality. So, it was no coincidence that Adolfo was assigned as Elly’s Spanish teacher. The timing of Amaia’s entry into the world had a very particular purpose in the timelines of their lives. And, whether they were conscious of it or not, they manifested the shit out of this beautiful wedding that has just passed.
I see that Elly and Adolfo accentuate each others' ability to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. I see that they make each other happy in ways that neither of them expected. I see in their relationship a real commitment to commitment. I see deep respect for each other. I see patience and acceptance. I see rising to life’s challenges. I see two very special people creating a very special union. I feel honored to know them, honored to have witnessed the evolution of such a special relationship, and I look forward to witnessing all of the beauty that is ‘the rest of their lives’.
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