Like so many who have come before me, I have had expectations that this journey through India will be a spiritual one. India has existed in my mind as one big, over-populated holy land that is sure to bring me a bit closer to myself and a bit closer to God. Why wouldn't this be the site of my spiritual breakthrough? India is, after all, the birthplace of yoga and the home of a bazillion gurus. It is the county where Mother Teresa received her "call within a call" from God to serve the poorest of the poor. It is where Siddartha Gautama sat under a tree and became who we know today as Buddha. It is where The Beatles studied Transcendental Meditation with Maharishi Mahesh. And, perhaps most importantly, India is the setting of the 'Pray' section of Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir Eat Pray Love.
In just my first two weeks, I have already visited a number of the spiritual sites referenced: Mother Teresa's tomb (and her former bedroom), the site of Buddha's enlightenment as well as the site of his first sermon, and a puja (prayer service) at one of the sacred rivers of the Hindus, the Ganges. All of these experiences have been interesting, pleasant and meditative in their own rights, but they have not been the moments that I have felt closest to a higher power. In my first few days, before visiting any of these important places, I was unexpectedly called to prayer continuously. My prayers sounded something like this:
"Dear God, please help me navigate around these multiple piles of poo."
"Dear God, please don't let that rickshaw slam into this bus."
"Dear God, please don't let that taxi run me over."
"Dear God, please save me from a case of raging diarrhea after this meal."
"Dear God, please tell my gag reflex to chill out."
"Dear God, please make this dude leave me alone."
"Dear God, please turn off this incessant noise."
"Dear God, please don't let me suffer from molestation or theft on this train."
"Dear God, PLEASE DON'T LET ME LOSE MY MIND!!!"
"And, PS, please God bless these people living very meager lives (particularly the barefoot men earning their wages by transporting Kolkata on their hand-pulled rickshaws)."
From what I can surmise, India is not the divine location of people's spiritual revolutions because it is filled with gurus and ashrams and yoga and all the remnants of these amazing people who were super close to something bigger than themselves. For me at least, India is a bonanza of spirituality because it is testing me at every turn. How far can I take you before you break? Can I give you 87 people crawling up your ass at once, and can you still remain open-hearted and loving? (For the record, the response to this question at the moment is absolutely not.) Can you be hot, tired, and hungry, and still treat all living things with loving kindness? (Again, nope.) Can I completely over-stimulate your senses, and can you maintain focus and patience? (Hmmm, not really.) Can you accept that life is a big, messy, crazy, unorganized thing, and that I am going to illustrate this to you on these streets, everywhere you turn? (I'm trying!) Can you balance all of your emotions and traits at once, particularly maintaining light-hearted intuitiveness and straight-forward assertiveness in equal parts? (Yeah. Right.)
I admit that on this trip I have had quite a bit of hubris around my ability to travel and integrate into unfamiliar settings. Enter India! This country is knocking me right on my ass, making me a bit more humble and handing back my sense of wonder and complete bewilderment. Sometimes shaking out that excessive pride is overwhelming and scary, but I ultimately think that it is really, really good for me (even if it sometimes feels a bit bad).
A friend recently said something to me about how reaching enlightenment is not about sitting in a quiet room in meditation, but rather that it's about putting yourself in a situation that really challenges you and brings you face to face with your ugliness. Let me tell you -- India is no quiet room.
So, I will keep praying and I will keep looking at my ugliness, and, hopefully, I will survive this crazy place, perhaps even with a bit more of a sense of equanimity and wisdom.
Bring it on, India!!!
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